


You Never Even Left

by HomoForce



Category: Social Network (2010) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-24 08:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomoForce/pseuds/HomoForce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andrew's reaction to hearing Jesse say he loves him over a live youtube chat. Andrew can't deal with the news.</p><p>*LOTS OF FEELS*</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Never Even Left

“I need air- I need air” Andrew stumbled out of his desk chair, out onto his deck. His heart was racing so fast, he couldn’t remember if it had ever pounded this rapidly in his life. He took in the world around him; even though the sky was clear and he could feel the sun shining down on him, it felt like a thunderstorm. 

His stomach turned and twisted, his head was pounding and he felt the urge to throw up. This shouldn’t be so difficult to take, Andrew knew that.

Jesse said he loves him.  Not likes, not best friends with, LOVES him. On a live YouTube chat, in front of hundreds, if not thousands of people. This was ridiculous. You don’t just drop a bomb like that and expect everything to be alright.

Andrew pulls at the tufts in his hair. This should be the best news he’s ever gotten, aside from the Spiderman announcement. But it feels like he’s been punched in the stomach.

After months of admiring Jesse, trying so hard to be his best friend, but wanting more- this happens. He spent so much time agonizing over his feelings for Jesse. It was mid-year when he had finally worked up the nerve to tell Jess. Andrew thought Jesse felt the same way about him; and he wanted to stop screwing around and just get to being Jesse’s.  He approached telling Jesse perfectly; he even planned it all out.

Andrew and Jesse went out for a movie that night and they had even sung show tunes together on the way home. Andrew pulled the car up to Jesse’s place and they sat there looking at it. He could tell Jesse didn’t want to go inside to an empty house filled with cats; he wanted to stay in the warm car with Andrew.

Andrew remembered that night perfectly, the disaster it was. He had coaxed Jesse into debating about what type of book is better, hardback or soft. It was one of many silly debates they had, but they enjoyed them. Jesse had forfeited after 5 minutes and quietly looked down at his hand.

Something stupid, no- moronic in Andrew decided to grab that hand. Jesse was surprised and looked up, into Andrew’s eyes.

“Jess” Andrew cleared his throat as if he were about to give a speech.

Jesse’s eyes had been big and open, waiting patiently for what Andrew had to say. There was no sign of nervousness or angst in them. “I, um…you and I are best friends right?”

“Uh, yeah...of course” Jesse didn’t even stutter.

“And you know how sometimes friends become more than friends, right? Like in those stupid movies we watch on Netflix on Saturday nights while the cats eat our popcorn…”Andrew was making a fool of himself.

“Uh, Andrew…what are you trying to say?” Jesse’s eyes were never ending with confusion.

“I had this planned out and gah…I’m screwing it up. Jesse you and I have been um, close for a while now. And I care a lot about you and you care a lot about me…” Andrew didn’t mean for it to sound like a question, but it ended up that way.

Jesse nodded. “And I really value you as a friend, I really do and uh...” Andrew felt his throat going dry,

“I love you”

There was a long intake of air, from whom he wasn’t sure but Jesse’s eyes got scared; not germ scared or roller coaster scared, but terrified scared. It was not a good sign.

“Andrew…I..” Jesse pulled his hand out of Andrew’s and pushed the car door open, but remained seated.

“I, you are my best friend.  But I can’t do that…this”. With that Jesse leaped up from his seat and slammed the door behind him and hurriedly headed up to his house.

Andrew didn’t know what was going on. He threw his door open and stood up, his body ready to fling itself over the car. “Jesse, but...”

“No Andrew. No.” And there was a bang. Maybe it was Jesse’s front door or Andrew’s heart hitting the floor; shattering into a million pieces like glass.

He vowed to himself, he would never look back on that night and the dreadful ones that followed. It was torture the first few weeks after Jesse cut off contact.  Just thinking about it now was making him tear up the tiniest bit.

Andrew looked out at the beach, the waves crashing onto the shore crushing anything in their path. “Just like you Jesse, just like you” Andrew thought. After all this time, Jesse was managing to push himself back into Andrew’s life.

Psh, like he was ever gone.

Jesse was all Andrew thought about, even after he dropped him as a friend. Every moment of everyday was “What would Jesse and I be doing right now?” or “What if I see him around soon?” or even “I wonder if the cats miss me”.

Even though Andrew had desperately missed Jesse, he did what he could to avoid him. Not showing up for award shows, pretending to be busy when Emma threw parties, even pretending to be sick to make sure he wasn’t in the same room as Jesse.

There was once, at an award dinner, where Andrew couldn’t avoid him. They had been seated in the same row and forced into a group conversation at the end with The Social Network cast. Neither said a word to each other though. Jesse looked calm and collected, while Andrew was a wreck on the inside, waiting for Jesse to say something and break his heart again.

All of this sucked. It completely sucked. After months of convincingly pretending he was over Jesse, all these feelings surfaced. And Andrew couldn’t deal with it. Jesse had no right to break Andrew’s heart, abandon him, and then come back months later. It wasn’t fair.

Andrew wasn’t going to take this. He walked back inside, grabbed his keys and went to his car. Jamming the keys into the ignition, he could feel his head getting hot. He didn’t care though; he was too emotionally screwed to care.

It wasn’t until halfway to Jesse’s L.A. apartment that Andrew realized he had no idea what to say. He decided he’d wing it, letting whatever came out of his mouth be said.

He pulled up to Jesse’s curb and got out, shoving the keys into his pocket. There were two cats lying on the front porch licking themselves. Andrew chose to ignore their loving looks and pounded on Jesse’s door.

Within a few seconds Jesse pulled it open. His mouth had nearly fallen open when he saw Andrew, eyes flaming.

“Why Jesse, why? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do this to me?!” Andrew was ready to explode.

Jesse grabbed his arm and pulled him inside “Andrew, not on the porch. Not out here- C’mon”.

Andrew wiggled his arm free raising a finger, “Don’t you touch me. You have no right to touch me after what you’ve done”.

“What are you talking about?” Andrew couldn’t tell if Jesse was confused or just playing dumb.

“You know, everything. Cutting me loose and ignoring me then coming back and PUBICLY announcing you love me”.

Jesse didn’t say anything. He just looked at Andrew, with his big blue eyes filled with innocence.

“Oh don’t give me that” Andrew made a rapid head movement “I saw the YouTube interview”.

Jesse still remained silent. And it was pissing Andrew off.

“Are you gonna say anything? God Jesse! After all this time and you still can’t be forward with me.” Andrew was spitting with anger. “You jerk me around like I’m some toy. YOU FUCKING BROKE MY HEART. And you don’t even have the decency to say anything” Andrew’s fists were curling and it came before Andrew could stop it;

“Sometimes I really hate you.”

There was a moment of dead silence, except for Andrew’s heavy breathing. Andrew was sick of this; he turned and headed towards the door. He threw it open and was halfway outside when he felt a hand grabbing the back of his jacket.

“No wait Andrew, come back” There was desperation in Jesse’s voice and Andrew couldn’t will himself to go any further. He turned back around stepping into the house again.

Jesse pushed the door shut behind him, his arm brushing Andrew’s waist as he pulled back; shivers ran up Andrew’s spine. Andrew wished they would just go away.

Jesse looked up at him; eyes wide and watery, the blue looking like it could fade any moment. His expression made him look like a kicked puppy and Andrew felt the need to wince.

“Do you really hate me?”

Andrew looked at Jesse. Seeing those eyes, that face, so up close; he couldn’t hurt Jesse. No matter how much pain he had caused him.

“No, I don’t hate you. I just- I don’t understand you. You aggravate me and I can’t handle it. You confuse me and I can’t handle it. You- I...um…” Andrew felt like he was giving up, when really he was just being truthful. And it was exhausting.

“I- um…” Jesse bit his lip. He looked lost in thought, about as tongue tied as Andrew.

“C’mon,  Jesse.  For once in your life, tell me what you are actually thinking” Andrew was running out of energy for this.

“Andrew.  I don’t know what to say. You…you we’re my best friend, and more.  Well, you wanted to be more….. and I did too.” 

Andrew felt his jaw drop, but he quickly shut it. “What does that mean?”

“I do love you….I have loved you. All this time. I just couldn’t- didn’t know how to tell you.” Jesse looked like he had just dropped a bomb; the expression on his face so regretful, it almost hurt.

“What about these last 5 months? You writing me off, acting like I didn’t exist? Explain that.” Andrew was being a jerk, he knew that, but he couldn’t help it.

“After that night, I was scared. I didn’t know how it could be between us. I thought it was best to end it before we got in too deep. But after a while, I realized I did love you. But by then it was too late. I thought you never wanted to speak to me again for what I did to you. And I felt horrible. You were everything to me, and I broke your heart. I never wanted to do that... I love you Andrew.” Jesse sighed.

“See!” Andrew yelled, “You can’t just do that! You can’t come back and tell me you love me after all this time I have spent trying to get over you. I tried with all my being to stop loving you, but I couldn’t! I couldn’t erase you from my life, no matter how bad I needed to. My heart wouldn’t let go!” Andrew had no idea what he was feeling, or saying. “Do you know how hard it was for me? All those restless nights and dreadful days? I needed you in my life, and you left. And seeing you now, my heart aches.” He had just confessed way more than he wanted to.

Jesse was quiet again. “..So...you still love me?”  
There was a moment; Andrew sighed, tired. “Yes Jesse. I still love you.”

Something lit up in Jesse’s eyes. He stepped closer to Andrew and looked up at him. He was being hesitant but forward at the same time. Jesse was being cautious, his eyes apologetic but also asking if he could move closer.

Andrew couldn’t move, he was frozen in place. Their eyes were locked, and Jesse looked terrified. He leaned his face towards Andrew, his lips slightly parted. They stopped by Andrew’s, almost an inch away.

“If it means anything, I love you too and I’m sorry”.

Something in Andrew exploded; he jerked his head forward, putting his lips to Jesse’s. Jesse’s didn’t move though. Jess placed a hand in the small of Andrew’s back, pulling him closer. They stood there, lips locked for a minute.

Andrew wrapped his arms around Jesse as their pulled their lips apart. Their bodies stayed close and Andrew hugged Jesse, missing his warm touch. He buried his head in Jesse’s neck, feeling hot tears coming.

And they came. Pouring down his face; but they felt so good. After bottling up his feelings for so long, it felt freeing to let them out- to the one person he loved. He was sobbing, so tired and overwhelmed by everything that had happen in the past few hours. Jesse placed his hands on the sides of Andrews face, gently pulling it up so their eyes met.

He stroked his thumbs over Andrew’s cheeks. “Shhhh….it’s okay. It’s okay Andrew” He smiled lightly as he said this and Andrew pulled himself back into Jesse. Jesse was saying “I love you. I love you.” softly in his ear.

 Andrew couldn’t feel his arms, he was crying like a baby and he didn’t know how he could make it home without falling asleep while driving, but he didn’t care. Jesse was here, holding him, talking to him, stroking his back, and he loved him.

Jesse loved Andrew.


End file.
